my habit every morning;-

• reading newspaper online
• checking all my mails
• ‘on’ my messengers n friendster

this morning i add one more which keep me with a high spirit :- make a call to the bride-to-be,my dear nadd.so much in gud mood becoz i’ll be going home 2nite huhu.cant wait to meet my family and all my dearests.honestly,i act arrived quite late at bukit jalil 2day n waiting 4 bus will juz make me ultimately ‘delayed’,oso becoz of i’ll b home 2nite (over expenses become a dont care),i took taxi instead.having a mug of nescafe (not really my fave) really fresh me up a bit..(act as a stimulant,so that i wont fall asleep during a very important workshop this morning huhu)

i’m so happy of my bestfriend’s wedding,so much.totally ignored the fact that i’ll no longer haf the opportunity to ‘grab’ her,everytime i want her spending some moments wif me (dahle hubby dia tu baik,cane aku nk angkut minah tu p merayau2,melalak n melepak,kompom kena angkat sumpah nanti ehehe.just kidding!).i pray for her happiness,may He showers His Blessings for both of them forever n ever.aku ni kompom lambat lagi nk kawen huhu.nevertheless,can wait to c my twin smiling n having the best moment of her lifetime.hope that everything will b okay,hope He make everything smooth n easier for her n her family.how i luv her so much.got workshop session afterwards.wish i’m on my way home rite now.huhu..

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today act is the starting day for BM n History papers for spm,so for spm candidates gud luck guys,may the force b wif u (eheh..influence from the star wars)..juz kidding,may He make everything easier for u guys,straights A’s key,no pressure there huhu..last nite my sister Anis,called,thanx goodness becoz if she juz wait 4 me to call,then she’ll b disappointed as her big sister act in trouble wif funding (i dun have permanent job yet,what wif no elaun at mimos,so my spending is limited)..i challenged her to get more than me (of coz she can,i juz scrap half of the subjects only),how abt A in cambridge?eheheh..

miss my school days’..i might not say it was splendid,still,i made,i knew,i met the best of people there..i wont forget teacher ismaizah,the best english teacher i ever met,my english was very good that time (not like now..),what wif most of my friends oso really brilliant  in that  language..also into account,chemistry..i luv it very much,sitting for the paper was like nuthing much,no effort at all (although not confident much to get A1..),i juz haf the trouble wif physics n add maths,huhu seriously ‘injured’..the agama papers?well,i act haf no difficulty on that three subjects (my father said i got talent on that subjects),juz i was so lazy to try my best,so i only scored one out of three,still,not bad 4 science student rite?

i remember clearly studying qiraat wif ust mad jusoh n tasmi’ in front of ust shuib..i missed learning the knowledge of al quran.i remember how quite gud i am in those kind of field becoz i know that i’m gud,n those subjects were act so interesting..oso missed,the hafazan time..act,i realised y i’m so better person at that time,becoz if there are sum sins n ur heart not clean enuf,u cant memorise al quran..seyes..so in order to memorise,i always avoid doing bad things..eheeh..sumtime,during my hardest days in electrical eng,i act quite regretted that i declined my father’s wish that i further my studies in al-quran n as-sunnah (kalo tak dah selamat aku smbg master,jd cikgu or jd lect)..but,i want to further study in that field someday,i really hope i can..mayb when i finished wif my engineering field..

studying at sek. agama (p) kangar,act taught me so much..living in the barakah of ‘ilmu’ n blessings really made me a good person,broaden my mind better.always encourage to do good deeds everyday (although not to the sum kind of teachers..),husnu zhon,husnu zhon n husnu zhon..kalo stakat kemusykilan dlm hukum2 tu,ish siap bleh dok bersidang dgn mmbr2,mcm jumhur ulama’ plak..bleh berhujah dgn hadis n ayat quran lg..mmg dasat..blom lg time argue bab hukum2 dgn ustaz ustazah lg eheh..but,that was the old days,the part that i really missed so much.instead learning science n such,i also learnt how beautiful arabic is,how there are really a lot that i dont really aware abt His Law,His Kalam n the hikmah behind all His Creation..what i missed the most was how i used to advice myself n people around me wif hikmah..n everywhere i go,i always seek those people who can remind me the way i used to haf at school..i missed to b a gud girl n a gud child..really hope to be surrounded by the gudness of ‘ilmu’ n be a nice person by it..

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it’s hard act to do everything than to say it..i sternly told myself that i am strong,i am ok,but act i am not,becoz i realize that i am closely going to pieces everytime i tried my best to hold myself 2gede..these two days,i kept thinking,calculating,is that the best solution 4 the case?the wise decision i shud make?am i juz doing it for my personal interest?am i selfish?still,after i ‘call it off’,i hardly believe that i’m doing it.n y,those pearls shud came out?i felt stupid..so stupid..

but what make me felt a little bit ok,when i thought of how i am so afraid of His ‘Anger’,so afraid of not receiving His ‘Nur’ anymore,i am damn afraid when i am totally lost of asking for His Forgiveness..i am afraid..if i still be like that..i am weak,so His Reminders are the only way to make me stronger,can make me feel better..although it might sound foolish or juz an escapism,still i am certain that i do the rite thing at the very least..i am listening to at Taubah to cheer me up this morning,i dont know what else to do..n for my dear nadd,thanx for always be there..always..

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p/s:i luv dis song so much..esp this part

As long as sunlight lights the sky
Light of love will be found in these eyes of mine
And I will shine that light for you
You’re the only one, I’ll ever give this heart to
What I’m trying to say is, nothing will change this
There’ll be no time you won’t find me there
Cause I will always be there
You will always have all my love

(from : dat’s when i’ll stop lovin’ u)

in a moment,i will b presenting the progress during my 1st 2weeks here,n act it is a very serious matter as i will b evaluated whether i am suitable enuf to b absorb to the company.i even didnt started wif report yet..mayb k.linda will call me as soon as possible..

while waiting for her,i act want to highlite little bit abt how He is Maha Penyayang..i remember during my hardest time = psm2 (the crucial one so far)..how i felt i was at the end of the road,no clue,no hope,no one to turn to..that time,i suddenly heard azan Asar (it was Asar that time),n i dunno i just soothed a bit,then at nite during hanging out at N room (my fave lepaking pot),i listened to At-Taubah..when it came to err i dunt remember the ayat’s num,juz it means sort of ‘jgnlah bersedih,sesungguhnya Allah bersama2 kamu’ (translate ikut bhs arab yg blajo dulu,ehehe..salah tlong betulkan ek),pergh..tell u what,i felt much stronger n my mind became clearer..i felt that He reminded me,that He always there for me,He told me,dont be sad,there always a way to solve every problems..always,we who constantly keep forgetting abt that..

He made my frenz,my family rushing to my aid..these people encouraged me,told me not to worry,just keep going everything on..they said,even if i failed,at least i oredi tried..i act thought that it was miracle if i cud go through all that,n it was..the miracle of doa by our lurve ones..huhu..me,i always getting mad of not getting or b what i really want,still i keep going whatever come across me becoz i believe He didnt Give what i want,but what i really need..n mayb what i b rite now is act suit me..who knows?

rite now i’m undergoing a training quite far away from my cousin’s house,i dunt mint much..still i found it is exciting to walk quite a while to lrt station,waiting for bus becoz during the journey,i can zikr a lot (the blessing in disguise)..charge the positive ion to my brain..i like that scenario everyday even how much i’m afraid abt the task at the office..there are so much ‘amalan sunat’ that i oredi neglected,becoz of so many ‘irrelevant’ reasons..i wish i’ll resume all that back..i miss me being the good girl,being cared by ‘things’ that i learnt from school years ago..even how much ‘tahyul’ i am now,deep down i know that He Cares becoz everytime i’m abt to cross the line,He always remind me..He alone knows how much i’m so grateful for that..

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YENG CONSTANTINO - If We Fall In Love (Feat. RJ Jimenez)

there will be no ordinary days for you
if there is someone
who cares like i do
you got no reason to be sad anymore
I’m always dreaded with a smile
with just one
glimpse of you

you don’t have to search no more
coz i am someone who
will love you for sure
so

if we fall in love maybe we’ll sing this song as one
if we fall in love we can write a better song than this
if we fall in love we will have this melody in our heads
if we fall in love any where with you would be a better place..

you can watch sad movies in a
different light
so I’ll be right there beside you
huggin you so tight(oh so tight)
has from never felt so cold and empty
again
coz I will keep on holding on and
won’t let go(never let you go)

feel so good when you’re around
one smile from you
make my day just so bright

somehow,i accidentally begin to love this song so much..the soft voice,the melody,really nice..n act resemble part of the story (wish it is my story).if i do haf sum1,surely i meant word from word to him,the thing is,i haf none huhu ;-p..i’m act counting the days of my dear best friend’s wedding day,cant wait..i honestly haf myself quite a few choices of dress to wear that day (who act will getting married eh..)not counting 1 that i plan to buy this weekend..looking back,even how little time we spent together becoz of the distance,life commitments,we still cherish every moment that we had together..rite?quality time does matter..

she will enter new stage of her life,me as always,b happy for her,supported her n she haf my shoulder everytime she needs it.can really imagine that i’m act 23 yrs old,haf to fulfill all the promises i made to myself n to others,haf to prove that i can b sum1 at the very least.no more playing around..huhu tak bestnye bile menginjak dunia dewasa..i’m really looking foward for her happy day n pray that everything wud b alrite..i know that she feel it’s so hard going through everything till that day,what wif the obstacles along the line,but i assure u dear,everything gonna b alrite..when u think so,then it will b so..i pray that He will make everything easy for u..haf faith on Him ok?cant wait to c u..the good of friend i ever haf so far..He ever Give to me..may our frienship last forever,insyaAllah..

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u really think u know who u really r,what’s best 4u,what u really want in life..but think again,did u really?

y we think we knew ourselves well?becoz thay’s the sign of us being confident,focusing in our strength and appreciate ourselves better.y we hv wut we really want in life?becoz by not having goal to b reach,our life will b dull,there will b no exciting moment in life as the journey of reaching our goal is priceless n that’s how we learnt improving ourselves n upgrading our knowledge.

does everything we choose r always the best 4 us juz becoz we alone know ourselves better?not necessarily rite.we always hv options,chances in life..sumtimes in order making wut’s best,we always b in 2 diverged roads.we wont know wut’s best until we make mistakes and facing problems.if we strong enuf to overcome them,brave enuf 2 face da consequences,then we r act discovering our strength n finally find da best 4 us.

when it comes 2 life patner ;-p ,dont fool urselves much.dat person might b sum1 u cant live without,which smile make ur heart melt,which stare makes ur heartbeat fast enuf 2 xplode in ur chest n when juz thinking abt dat person,energize ur whole day..think again,does dat person really fit u?r u redi 2 endure dat person’s weakness 4 da rest of ur life?r u strong enuf 2 keep da relationship 4eva?becoz we may nvr know what’ll happen in da future,but He knows.

so,while making options,determining ur call,always ask Him.ur heart may feel the answer,but we r human,da Homo Sapiens.we tend to encourage our emotions entering da decicion making.Remember,He lurvs us more than our mums.He alone knows what’s best 4 us in every situation.

me,although i’m 2 much need ’sum1′2b by my side,to accompany me going through e’things,to accomodate each other,to encourage,to support..to do everything 2gether n to feel da beautiful of life having each other by each other’s side..still i dunt meet 1..huhu..always my frenz n my family 4me 2 turn 2.mayb i’m asking 2 much when i act being gifted wif plenty of wonderful things n persons in life.well,perhaps i’m lonely ;-)..hmm i hv 2b grateful 4 wut i hv till now..dat’s da proper thing 2d rite?..

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sbnrnye aku nk ceta sumthing pasal hari2 aku kat mimos..nk tulis lam english,kang ader yg ngadu terpakse mengambil ms yg lamer nk menghadamkan term2 aku yg tahap ‘band 6′ tu muahahaha,satu lg sbb aku dh 3hr sakit pale n hilang selera makan gara2 environment kat cni (ct psl assignment ehehe)..honestly,aku mmg kalo boleh nk avoid keje kat kl,phm2 jelah life kat cni,kejar masa siot,aku kuar umah time matahari tak naik,blk umah pon time matahari dh terbenam,and aku ni keje ngan salah satu badan kerajaan,bkn kilang ye adik2..tu pon dh cukup mengacau gelombang otak aku neh..seyes..hari 1st kat cni aku busan nk mati,hari 2nd dpt assignment,hari ni berusaha siapkan..hari ni aku bjaya sampai opis dgn bas even dgn insiden yg memerahkan muka aku..juga dgn adanya mber opis di dlm bas tersebut..time hr 1st,upenye mbe se opis yg tunjukkan aku surau..kacau..gawat..smlm lagi best slah trun bas..3hr neh aku mmg menghadapi tahyul situation dgn pengangkutan kat kl..dgn sesatnye..ai..letih makcik..

smlm lepas dpt assignment,time ondaway blk umah tu,smpat pulak aku membuat keputusan,kalo lah mmg aku trus keje kat cni,menetap kat kl,seyes lepas kawen aku nk brenti keje,dok umah tgk tv..ehehe..dh buang cita2 aku tu jauh2,tp ble hr ni plak,mcm tak jd je nk wat camtu,wpon pale aku masih sakit lagi,n aku rs bdn aku ni ader harapan n k jd sekeping,mcm nk stay je cni..cumenye sbb kl kan?napelah bende yg aku plg nak avoid,bende tu la yg aku dpt..aku mmg kipas susah mati dgn robotik,last2 terjun dlm micro-e,ampeh tul..jgn nanti kene kawen dgn org yg aku nyampah thp cipan dah,mau nangis aku..nauzubillah..

aku tulis benda ni sbb 2,3 hari ni asik dpt msg tny keadaan aku kat mimos..n i tell u guys,not bad..just aku kn main dgn benda2 electronic blk,subjek yg plg aku nyampah,n mmg harap pass je time degree dulu..dhle blajo gn workbench,pastu osclah,kire blk cct kecik2 tu,cr gain,phmkan konsep op amp,aiyaaaaa…plc mmg bye2 la,hape jadahnye..dulu aku slalu gn je sensor,skang ni aku kn wat sensor,gilak ah..tp ble memikirkan,ilmu jgk tu,pastu agaknye Dia mmg nak aku blajar sume2 ni,n environment cni oklah..tp jab aku neh mmg baik gile2,golongan melayu yg rajin bekerja..siqah wa rajih punya kaki..so,automatik aku pon jd baik ngeh3x (bleh caye ke?)

cumenye skrang aku tak dpt umah sewa lagi,terpakse berulang alik dr pandan indah ke bukit jalil..kalo (insyaAllah) aku permanent,knlah aku cr umah,cian plak kt abg aku,hr2 mkn free je kat umah dia..aku just harap,aku dpt blk attitude rajin tuh.asik nk malas2 je.pastu otak ni kn ar tune blk ke frequency electronic,even how much i detest it..so kpd mmbr insep esp dak2 micro-e (yg sm2 pakai bj bulan dgn aku dulu),berusaha geng..insyaAllah,moga2 bkn setakat ilmu kita dpt,tp dpt gak absorb trus ke sykt tuh..kalo dpt psgn idup time li ni,kire added bonus ar ehehehe..

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last nite,me n my insep frenzwhich is to say my micro e pals,tahyully went for a karaoke till 4 in the morning..(if my mom knew this,say bye bye to my freedom life)..most of them singing very gwa2 song,n i get bored,almost doze off ehehehe..when it came to me n jun turn,we sang mas idayu!huhu..very bingai..seb baik tak nyanyi lagu inul.mau pengsan tokei kedai tu skali..neway,this week is act the last week for us..tomorrow we haf public relation n interview session,how boring..n my grup didnt even manage to finish up our project yet!becoz i was so late for home last nite,my 1st hours at cleanrum were spent wif sleeping (only me n jun at that time ehehehe)..still very sleepy rite now..

i act didnt set my mind yet on how i am going to go home for raya..still waiting for my LI confirmation,wif unfinished project,haa not forgetting,my hp drowned!after i went lalalalala oso wif my micro e pal for bowling n breaking fast at pizza..tahyul..moments wif them,the micro e people,were so much enjoyable n plasent..although i bet u,me not learning much during classes,always dozed off,even how much good looking the instructors are..ehehehe..i will always remeber my time here..although there act are a lot of unpleasant ones,but who want to remember that?a waste for memory..buat tak cukup gig ja..

lab is abt to close,so i haf to pen off..n miss dayah beside me is act wondering when i’ll stop typing all those nonesense..i dunno how my session tomorrw,mybe sleeping time again..ehehehe..till nextime,wish for a much more knowledge to b learn..cheers..;-)

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p/s:apiz’s voice was very nice..i almost fall in luv to him..eheheh..nk masuk air force tu..seb baik muda remaja dr aku yg cun neh ;-p

about two days ago i received a phone call from my younger sister..she was whining abt her best buddy’s behaviour towards her..when i listen to her,i suddenly remember that i oredi pass that kind of time,n i actually glad that i am what i am rite now n the way my mind works,proudly to say,i’m so glad i haf this positive minded n inherited some of my father’s way of thinking..my sister dont understand y her buddy treat her badly becoz of her friendship wif a boy (i dont deny the fact that she is my sister n perhaps u might think i’ll stand beside her,but i do know well her best buddy,happened to b 23 years old rite now n haf gone through all those kind of situation she’s having rite now)..i told her how she should response to that matter,n to b wise accepting incoming consequences becoz people always act like people do,usually the same behaviour..

the thing is,when we grew older,went to somewhere else,know people,we tend to change our way of thinking,attitude toward people n mayb gain sumthing whether it is bad or actually good to us..it also affected to people who we know years b4 which is in this case,friend is a suitable example..do people like frenz can accept us after the changes?not many do..i remember once,i’ve been reminded of my lacked of awareness towards befriended wif the opposite sex,become so much outspoken,too friendly n sometime too overexposed that i really exist!at that time,i was thinking,’for God sake!this is what i am,can u guys juz accept me?’..but no,not many people understand n i learnt that,world is not juz abt our thought,even how much positive u ar,it is abt understanding,respect n more courage standing wif what we belief..to b good to everyone (even for those who dont deserved it),accept people mistake,n let live..y this soud so hard?becoz we r dealing wif people,n we didnt always haf nice people everyday..y we haf to be treated by our most dislike ones?it is for us to leant to b patient,to understand better,make our mind broader n for us to thank to Him that we r not like that..

i’d come across to a short malay novel,very intelligence once i ever read..i really like when it comes to ’selalunya bila berkasih,kdg2 kita tak nampak keburukan kekasih kita,kita hanya nampak kebaikan dia shj,sbb itulah,bg org yg berkasih,mereka hanya ada musim bunga’..at 1st,i was thinking,how people in luv can b that stupid?when it really my turn to b on that situation,i became that kind of stupid people eheeh..but,becoz i remember that novel,i push myself to consider more,to b in the real world,n alhamdulillah..however,it became worst becoz it make me lurv him more,when he actually didnt feel the way i do..huhu..pity..

when u r postive,life is not bad at all actually..yes,it’s hard for others to accept some tahyul thing abt us,or perhaps to respect our principles,but always think,have u ever deleted sumbody from ur life list becoz of their weakness?u even didnt help they to overcome it?did u ever respect others for what they hold?or laugh to their ambitious mind?think..i remember one of my father’s piece of advice,‘kalau tak suka dgr kritikan org lain psl kita,jgn suka2 mengkritik org lain’..always be wise,it is what we should be,person who very clever wif life..

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hari ni satu kejayaan yang telah aku capai,setelah bertungkus lumus selama setengah jam (tak sampai pon,konon2 je tuh), aku berjaya mengakses friendster mggunakan free proxy..betape ptm ito ni begitu dedicated dgn keje derang sampai hampir kesemua proxy yg aku slalu gn derang block,aihhh..pdnla teknologi ito ni bgs sgt (eheheh..berbangga kejap mjadi dak ito)..hampeh tak aku?bknnya nk setelkan projek yg haram satu mende pon tak jalan2 lagi..punyala semangat aku mintak dongle kat en. technician td huhuhu..mampoih la kena sakai ngan en al abqari satgi,kompom..

semalam dgn bestnya aku mengheret cik junaidah memonteng sesi lab kitaorg..sbbnye,kunun2 aku ader 2nd interview,gile dasat tempat tu,berkodi2 felda aku lalu br jumpa kilang yg nk interview aku..setelah sesi interview yg begitu lama (yg sgt hampeh),akhirnya aku pon memutuskan yg aku kn blk ke pangkal jalan gak ar..ttp kena jadi anak ayah n mak,keje kat kaw utara ja..ssh wei nk kuar dr bandar tenggara tu kalo aku ada emergency,seyes wa cakap lu..tgkla rejeki aku kat mn,mmgla cambest keje citu,tp memikirkan beberapa aspek lain,maka kebestan keje tu tak menyokong walau 1% pun hujah pihak penerimaan dlm otak aku ni..sumanya overulled..

papehal pon,aku kn berusaha gak cr keje..mmbr2 len suma dh keje..at least smbg master..aku?membimbangkan org tua ja..tetibe rindu kat umah,qasidah ayah aku,coq udg,mee kuah mak aku..syyeeddaaapp..cni mn jumpa,makanan jawa banyak ar..lg satu aku nk gumbira betul2,bkn muka je senyum,tp kat dlm ni rs nk rebah bila2 ja..aku tanak camtu,tak best,tu bkn diri aku..duit elaun ader sket lagi,harap2 bleh ar beli jubah yg aku berkenan,but tu terpaksela tunggu keje nt kalo nk beli lain pon..ritunya conference best gak,tapi aku tido ja manjang..tak dpt nk jaga booth sbb aku bz dgn registeration..aku ni serabut sket,tu yg ayat tahyul je ni..keylah aku nk meresume keje aku blk,rini tak tau nk msk aper kt anak2 kat umah tu,dh takde idea..lagi satu i wish for a very meaningful ramadhan this year..

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p/s:eh..aku tulis blog dlm bm..pergh sungguh diriku tak pecaya..(garu2 pale sket)