been ages i tidak menjenguk blog yang sangat memberi makna dalam hidup aku. di sini aku memulakan hobi, mencurahkan minat dalam berblogging.mungkin kadang-kadang setiap yang aku tulis hanyalah cetusan rasa seorang manusia, namun aku tetap berharap jauh di sudut hati, cetusan itu diproses dan dijadikan iktibar buat manusia lain.

buat rakan-rakan yang masih sudi menongkah cetusan rasa manusia yang ini, silalah ke laman blog ku yang updated dari yang ini, kerana sesungguhnya aku tidak mampu untuk menulis ke dalam kedua-dua blog pada masa yang sama.

tafaddhal ila http://nurqider.wordpress.com

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i’ve been ‘offline’ my YM as during my first months at MEMS, i kept getting such remarks like "aii..takde keje ke?online memanjang.."..yeah rite.i admitted there were some moments where i hv not much assignments,or none at all,still i haf to do some research by myself.there’re a lot to be read,to ponder,to keep my mind constantly thinking.when i was on assignments,no msg even buzz will be entertain.my works need me in front of my pc all the time,i have to design,do the simulation,of coz i need my pc.i also haf to read journals or papers,of course i always appear online.got that?![yelah,aku ni ape je pun,bukannye engineer cam korang]

how was it at MEMS?well,i shud say i am glad i was attached under MOEMS and Physical Sensor group.i haf the opportunity to work alongside outstanding people.my supervisor for example can visualize the electronic circuit in her head.she is really damn good in electronics,seriously.my group members are among the cherry but very hardworking people.they are really ‘hig-speed’ in accomplishing every assignments and dealing wif deadlines.well,suit me who need a ‘always moving environment’,so that i always occupied and decrease my temper to extinction.working wif them increase my usage of brain,gossiping sensible things [no unfounded rumours] also not forgetting having ’soup for the soul’ everyday at our company’s musolla.

my scope of works?well,the concept or method of working in research field is to back up each group members.rite now,in developing the moisture sensor (my main concern,our group also is developing humidity sensor,gyroscope and piezo),i haf to ‘play’ wif read-out-circuit simulation using multisim,simulating the sensor’s sense using FEMM 4.2 and designing the pcb layout using protel-altium.i always put my extra effort in designing the pcb layout [although always bring me constant headache] because that’s what i like best..ehehe..

i’m not that kind of people who like less work but high pay.that’s was really not me.i luv being bother by mountain of work even if that cost me almost two weeks headache [still got the sting..ouch].i like been keeping bz wif work even this is not act what i really want after my study’s completed,still i thank God for giving me opportunity to learn and being involve in electronic [i really hate thhis stuff] again becoz i realize there must be blessing in disguise,rite.got to pen off,i already consumed 2 paracetamols,still my headache n toothache did not subsided..ouch..how it hurts so much!;-( but i’m afraid of making appointment wif dentist..huhuhu

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it’s been quite a while i ever write sumthing more ‘interesting’ in this blog.maybe becoz i’m too much ‘preoccupied’ wif my another blog.honestly,i really want to write an interesting entry,but wif two young ones sitting beside u,trying to haf ur full attention,it’s really hard for me to concentrate.i dont know how i’ll gonna manage wif my own young ones later (sigh),i really have no amount of patience like my sister do,seriously..(glad it will be long time b4 i haf my own family)..still,they are good kids.

went to my college yesterday to submit my practical report and log book. when i set my foot there,i realized how much i missed the smell of the lecture’s hall,the convo’s hall,the coop,the hostel’s room,the library,the brief walk to every classes (although i always skipped the 8 am classes or those which always successfully manage to dozed me off all the way through the lecture ehehe).i miss the 56 bus,the tanjau one,those teddies at air itam,kerepeks,the jawa food (tempe),the asam pedas.i miss the lectures too,our labs,the time i used to hang aroud wif friends there (pyan gelas besar,the summit,bp mall),everything..

i missed me being a student.it’s not that working was not fun,but i’m so much me during my degree time.i dont care how ‘miskin’ i was,the important thing is i was happier.i can do everything that pleased me most.i missed myself being a brilliant student,so good in subject even how much i hate to revise.i realized i was becoming lazier during my third year which screwed up my pointer n my student’s life so much.n that’s the the reason y i don fancy having my convo day.not much becoz of the pointer,but becoz my another two years were empty.i was more like proving i am too stupid to be an engineer.i really hate myself during that period.

i missed my school time.during that days,eventhough i wasnt the straight A’s scorer,i still proud of myself as i did haf talent n scored in subjects that i luv most.i missed having a chat wif ‘those’ people,who can ’see’ what i ’see’,who understand what i understand.who knew how to argue n to discuss well wif me.i missed the laughter i used to haf long ago,those jokes which ‘tickle’ me to ‘death’.being a grown up,haf so much to worried abt,calculated every ‘moves’,think abt everything!as if the body can be split into pieces.i missed those day where my priority was my happiness n making others happy,now i only haf the courage to make others happy.hurmmm..

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i’m listening to BSB ‘Inconsolable’..best2,its been a while i havent ‘pour’ anything here.yesterday i’ve been thinking whether to further my master or just get on wif my work here.it was really tough to decide,but at the end i stick to my long term plan which is,i must at least have 2 years experience of working b4 furthering my study.however,the opportunity of doing masters by research is really hard to decline,what wif it is fully sponsored by my company..it is really something!huh!so after a long discussion wif dad,i am determined to stick to my plan.i want to act have a head start abt this field first b4 doing a research abt anything in it.electronics (mainly sensors) and instrumentation+control systems are act quite different even they are still electrical.furthermore,insyaAllah there always other opportunities for me to do my masters afterwards.

this is me n sawi (trainee from UniMAP) in front of our greenhouse.really,my face look as big n round as the rock melon..huhu..maybe it is the trick of the sun light (yeah rite,start making excuse now qider?huh!).but we didnt even manage to sample the rock melon,becoz it suddenly dissapeared from our pantry.during my first month here,almost everyday i have the chance to sample the rock melon,it is really ‘lip smackin’..yum yum..

we also produce tomatoes here..really,wif a long walk around the building and all healthy stuff i haf the chance to eat,well,it really make me having good nurtured body,hehehe..act the greenhouse is the place for us to test our sensors as most of the product here are agriculture-based.so,sambil menyelam,minum air ar.

i guess that’s all for now.tomorrow is thaipusam so it means holiday to kl n putrajaya.wonder wut shud i do tomorrow beside finishing my log book..arrggghh so lazy.i haf a lot to do today n wish u guys haf a great day too

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b4 i make myself to start writing this entry,i’ve checked n rechecked if i ever come across writing bout my ‘kisah sedey’ (bak kata achik..huhu)..seems,i only left a hint,mayb that time i was ashamed of ‘worldwide’ it,mayb afraid of what people might think..mayb..

for me,my ‘kisah sedey’ was not really sad at all,it was a meaningful lesson in a lifetime.i knew him as a frenz,he was act my classmate n after lost contact for a year,we met in a contest n changing hp num..n everything started..(we only smsing,never hanging out,never met even live in the same state!) i hardly believed that after sometimes,somehow i suddenly luv him so much!y do i luv him that time?becoz he really words-of-advice kind of person.always be a reminder to me.i still clearly remember,the time when i was so upset,so afraid of my pointer,he comforted me by reminding me of ‘keajaiban doa’,reminding me the existence of Yang Maha Penyayang.by having him,i was more thrilled becoz we did many ‘good deed’ 2gede like puase rejab n etc (err..dh tak bpe ingat..ehehe)..everyday,i was so thankful to Him by that person’s presence in my life.y i chose my feeling 2wards him to enter my heart?becoz he fulfilled most of the criteria of my mr. right (i thought so that time).i didnt go 4 looks act,but i want a husband who not only can b a leader,but sum1 who can accept my critics n comments without heart feeling,sum1 who i can discuss anything (religion,books etc) n who can accompany me to any ‘majlis ilmu’,also not forgetting,together teaching our children reading Al-Quran..huhu ;-p

then,the ‘tak best thing’ started when i felt that i cannot lost him,cannot live without him (biar betul..eheheh),so,how i’m gonna make him realize me feeling all those things 2wards him?by being outspoken myself,i decided to let him know..i told him everything (without doing istikharah)..and,i was dissapointed,as he didnt feel the way i felt..at that time,i was ‘ermm ok,at least i told him’..after that,i stop smsing wif him 4 a while,try to throw away my feeling..but i cant n it become worst when i keep crying after i prayed becoz i really cant endure the pain..i felt so hurt inside..i always ask to myself,what God want me to c,always pleading to Him to help me..

when i totally cured,(n to tell the truth He vanished the feeling till i didnt felt a thing towards that person..)i realized why i was happened to haf such feeling like that,becoz i ask for it,i was keen to know how it feel 2b deeply in luv to sum1(beside family n cloz frens) but still b reasoned by it.to experience the situation,how,by luving sum1,made u close to God..to feel ‘perit jugak ye syg org ni..’..as at least,i know how to comfort those who face difficulties in luv,being hurt by luv for instance..becoz i felt it..i’m so grateful to Him for giving me such a lesson.the afterwards (another person,i think i luv him,but it was nonesense act) just a crap,i got blinded wif a ‘relationship’ which almost made me a person ‘that abide the law of God’..huhu..scary..

luv or CINTA is not everything in the world..there are so much things which are more wonderful than luv..one of it is,the patience of our parents towards our misbehave..our parents love us without condition..they are the only people in the world who can bear wif our ‘up n down’ behaviour..n act,y bother wif luv?when we r ready,He will present us wif a person who suit us..moreover,He Knows better..when u think that u r in luv wif sum1,or mayb fall in the 1st sight luv,take time to ponder,y did u luv that person?did ur luv wud gain redha from the Yang Maha Mengasihani?huhu..think again..;-)

"aku mengasihimu kerana agama yang ada padamu,jika kau hilangkan agama dalam dirimu,maka hilanglah kasihku padamu" -imam nawawi (if i’m not mistaken)-

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semalam,ketika majlis cukur jambul buat si kembar syahira dan syakila (kalo tak silap),aku bekesempatan (terpaksa sebenarnya) mengendong salah seorang daripada mereka.anehnya,setiap kali mereka di pangkuanku,mesti tertidur.sebenarnya sblm kenduri (cukur jambul+khatan+tunang) itu berlangsung lagi,aku sentiasa cuba mengelakkan diri dari mengendong bayi2 tersebut wpun intan dan lain2 sentiasa mencuri kesempatan,berebut untuk memeluk bayi2 itu walhal aku,lebih suka memandang dari jauh.tapi,entah bagaimana aku tetap juga ‘berpeluang menjaga kembar’ tersebut.bukan aku tidak suka kepada bayi,malah aku suka apabila mereka nyenyak di pangkuanku,but i’m tired of hearing remarks while i was holding them,like (which is the most famous) ‘ha,dah ader gaya pon tu,bila lagi nak kenduri kak cik sorang ni?’.tatkala aku memandang si syakila tidur di pangkuanku,bergetar perasaanku memikirkan ‘mampukah aku mendidik anak2ku menjadi seorang yang bukan sahaja berguna buat agama dan bangsa tetapi diredhai Allah dan ibu bapanya?’.

pencarianku,perjalananku dalam mencari redhaNya masih belum berakhir,malah tak mungkin berakhir.2,3 minggu kebelakangan ini,aku dapat merasakan kelapangan fikiran yg lebih bermakna spjg hidupku yg hampir suku abad.merasakan kebergantungan yang hampir sepenuhnya kepadaNya.setiap kali aku mengingatkan,mengajak org lain supaya dekat kepadaNya,setiap kali itulah,aku sentiasa mengistiqamahkan diri spy sentiasa dekat kpdNya.aku bersyukur,aku dididik supaya cintakan ilmu,sentiasa berkongsi ilmu,sentiasa ingin berdamping dgn ilmuan,dan sesungguhnya dgn ilmulah yg sentiasa membawa dan menarik aku kembali ke jalanNya,tiap kali aku tersasar ke jalan lain,jalan yang tidak Dia redhai.

aku juga bersyukur,Dia menyediakan persekitaran yang sentiasa mengajak aku ke arah yg Dia lebih redhai.sentiasa ‘memilih’ dan ‘meletakkan’ aku di kalangan manusia yang dpt mengingatkan aku kpdNya,tiap kali aku terleka.hati ini hitam dgn dosa,Dia sentiasa mengingatkan dan menolongku spy ‘membersihkan’ hati ini sblm terlambat.dulu,aku terlalu dambakan cinta manusia sehingga aku hampir memusnahkan hati sendiri,sekarang aku lebih yakin dgn kasih sygNya.dulu,aku lebih mencari redha manusia,sekarang aku lebih ‘kuat’ kerana aku lebih mempercayai redhaNya.setiap kali aku mempersoalkan sesuatu dan mencari kebenaran,Dia sentiasa memudahkan ‘perjalanku’ dan memberi jawapan,sekaligus meyakinkan aku dgn jawapan tersebut.aku harap semoga dugaan dan fizikal yang sentiasa tidak sihat ini adalah kifarah kpd dosa2ku.sesungguhnya,pencarianku terhadap redhaNya masih belum berakhir..

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gotta b real!as far as i’m concerned almost those who arrested of ‘drug-dealing’  believed that they are being  deceived whether by their boyfriend or their boss..kind a weird when these cases which involved malaysian’s women seem to increase day by day..i watched abt the news of umi azlim last nite,but dont pay much attention,n was so shocked when nadd told me that she was our former matrix pals!’eh biar betul?yg mana satu ni?’..lame aku cr kat memory aku yg berkapasiti 1gig neh..still i cant remember..ampeh tul..

still,the obvious thing,until she’s proven guilty (how i wish she’ll be found innocent),it is TREACHERY people!let us,everybody (ALL ITTARIANZ),pray for her..pray that justice will be on her side,may He accept our du’a and let her free from the charge..AMIINNN

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p/s:further story of umi azlim 

•    Di Dunia
Mereka sentiasa dengan pembacaan Al-Quran dan mereka adalah manusia
yang terpilih,diangkat oleh ALLAH Taala darjatnya setinggi-tinggi
darjat.

•    Peribadinya
Memperolehi ketenangan dengan
cahaya ALLAH dan sentiasa mendengar dan metaati perintah Allah serta
meninggalkan setiap yang dilarang daripada Al-quran dengan hati yang
terbuka.

•    Hatinya
Bersih lagi suci dan tidak berkarat selamanya.

•    Rumahnya
Dilihat
oleh penduduk dilangit seperti mana penduduk bumi melihat
bintang-bintang,rumahnya dipenuhi cahaya yang ,meliputi
keluarganya,banyak kebaikan didalamnya,para malaikat hadir dan
syaitan-syaitan lari keluar dari rumahnya.

•    Pahalanya
Setiap
satu huruf bacaanya sama dengan 10 kebaikan(pahala),dikurniakan
kepadanya ketenangan,dilimpahi rahmat keatasnya, dan para malaikat
memayunginya. Doanya dimakbulkan ketika tamat bacaanya.Dia diumpamakan
seperti buah epal wangi baunya dan sedap rasanya….

•    Hari kiamat
Al-Quran
akan menjadi syafaat untuknya,dia akan berada bersama-sama para
malaikat,diangkat darjatnya ke syurga peringkat demi peringkat…

p/s:semoga aku merupakan orang yg sentiasa istiqamah dalam membaca ayat-ayat Al-Quran dan beramal dgnnya..Amin..

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hari ni aku masuk opis agak awal setelah semalam hampir pukul 9 baru terjengul muka aku kat pintu MySem ni..eheheh..br trainee tp dh tunjuk belang,ampehh..semalam juga,aku tak melakukan walau satu keje pun disebabkan kondisi badan aku yg tak best (nasib baik suma layout dah siap hari sebelumnya..pehh),sampaikan ketika run simulation,aku bleh terlelap depan pc,dasat sungguh aku ni bila dalam keadaan tak berapa sihat.time tu la baru terasa,nikmatnya sihat (sound familiar?huhu..)

hari ni happy sket,sbb semalam dengar suara mak ngan ayah..start bgn pagi tadi sampaila sekarang,i cant help myself from smiling and ‘i am so happy’ expression is engrave on my face.looks how miracle world is,wif only parents’s voice can energize our good mood!dulu ketika masih kecil,aku merupakan anak yg sgt degil,suka melawan n tak suka menangis.pada aku,menangis tak dapat menyelesaikan masalah pun,aku takkan dapat apa yang aku nak dgn menangis.ayah dengan mak tak akan melayan kalau aku menangis.disebabkan aku agak rapat dengan ayah,dia merupakan pencabar aku yang paling aku bengang.aku sentiasa tak puas hati dengan ayah,sbb ayah sentiasa mahukan aku ikut segala keputusannya,seperti ‘anak2 ayah mesti masuk sekolah agama’ (hangin beb,walau apa cara sekalipun aku buat,tetap tak dpt keluar dari sek agama tu),’kakak tak payahla nak amik engineering’,'perempuan tak sesuai jd engineer’,yang lepas hantar thesis ritu lagi best ‘cepat apply kolej komuniti,jd lect je,tak payah nak pk2 nak keje kilang,negara kita ni dah nk jd neg pertanian dgn r&d,kilang2 pon dh nak pindah keluar m’sia’..woi hangin makcik jgn cakaplah..mak aku diam je sbb dia tahu kalau aku dgn ayah start ‘perang dingin’,dia takkan mampu nk campur tangan becoz both me n my father r really alike,stubborn.indeed,me is among his children who know how to talk wif him,but when it comes to personal decision,then it is a big problem.

ayah n mak,sentiasa nak senangkan kami adik beradik,tapi alhamdulillah,aku,abg n acik pernah sama2 susah dgn mak dan ayah.pernah kena hukum dgn segala mischief yg kami buat,antaranya kn jalan kaki ke sekolah selama beberapa bulan or ayah takkan tunggu kalau kami lambat even it is only 5min late!stakat kn dok kat luar umah malam2 tu,kena tibai,dh biasa sgt ehehe (aku mmg nakal nak mampos dulu..seyes..)..mak n ayah mmg tegas,sgt tegas dgn kami yang 3 org kat atas ni (aku,abg n acik)..alhamdulillah,aku tak pernah berdendam dgn segala hukuman n keputusan mak n ayah.sbb aku sedar,aku takkan jd manusia kalau mereka tak mendidik kami sebegitu.wpun aku dh besar,(dh bleh kawen pon..bak kata k.ina aku) still,aku masih nak manja2 dgn mak ayah n adik2,smpaikan mak aku pggl aku ‘manja tua’ eheh..

aku tahu,aku selalu guris perasaan mak n ayah dgn kedegilanku,slalu nk ikut kata hati..bukan sedikit mak n ayah terasa,mcm2 aku dh buat (aku mmg bukan anak yg baik),sdgkan didikan n kasih syg yg mereka berikan tak mungkin dpt aku balas,perangai buruk aku jg yg aku tambah dlm idup diorang.aku slalu nak jauh dr rumah tu,wpon aku tau tggjwab aku di situ..bila dh jauh dari rumah,br sedar aku act part of my family,i am my family strength.mak masih nak smbg kontrak keje dia bila aku ckp aku nk sambg blajar,juga sbb adik2 aku semuanya masih belajar lagi.tapi aku tak benarkan,tak sanggup rsnya tgk dia penat bila blk dr hosp.biarlah dia buat bakery kat umah je.biar aku je yang tanggung adik2 aku sebab mmg tanggungjawab aku sbg kakak n sbg anak sulung mak n ayah.aku mmg akan smbg blajar,cuma mungkin amik masa sket.

bila dah makin dewasa (makin tua),aku takut act.plg aku takut,kena kawen ehehe..boleh ke aku ni jadi isteri yang dapat membimbing suami?bila dh ada anak nanti,boleh ke aku didik anak aku mcm mak n ayah didik aku?bentuk minda seperti yg mak n ayah tanamkan dlm diri aku..layakkah aku ni?sggp ke aku tahan perangai anak2 aku yg mungkin akan copy paste sebijik cm aku nanti?lgpon,aku masih nak dok bwh ketiak mak ayah,nak manja2 lg,nk peluk mak ayah slalu,tak nak berperangai sbg org yg matang,tak nak ngaku yg aku ni dh tua.aku bersyukur,sbrnya mak n ayah tahan dgn perangai kami adik beradik.aku bersyukur,mak ayah tegas dalam didikan agama.aku bersyukur,wpon tak hidup mewah,hidup aku senang.aku bersyukur,Dia bg aku family yg aku ada sekarang n sentiasa Mengingatkan kami sekeluarga.moga2 kami sentiasa dirahmati,diampuni,diperingati and diterima taubat oleh-Nya.Amin..

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juz got back from kangar yesterday..her wedding ceremony was splendid!nadd looked really pretty that day.most of us were back to kangar on friday nite (becoz we r working) so that we wont missed her akad nikah n kenduri..her akad nikah was quite amusing.what wif having her tahyul frenz beside her,we cant help but making noise (as we always do when we r together),while aina,commented that nadd looks like ‘pengawas sekolah’ n asked whether she forgot to wear her name tag..it made most of us burst out laughing n only stop when emy entered the bride’s room,asking us to keep our voice down..eheheh (becoz the akad nikah is act gonna start,still the bride was still laughing wif us..)..

during the akad nikah,(s we r her frenz) we hv the opportunity to locate near her n could see her clearly..honestly,on my way back to kgr,i was so nervous thinking of her wedding, but when i c her sitting near her fiance n was abt to become the man’s wife,my nervousness subsided n i was so happy for her.really am happy.i pray n pray that everything would be smooth as plan and alhamdulillah sekali lafaz je,legally,my pretty twin has change her status to a wife (aku ni 7 thn lagi ar..huhu)..then,the introduction time where she has 2 introduce her family to her hubby,but when it come to frenz,i run away eheh,becoz i was so hungry that time n i thought we also haf other day to b introduced..during photographing time,we still in the mood of making noise again n i do hope her hubby can cope wif her wife’s frenz behaviour..

on her 2nd day (kenduri day),i become her bridesmaid..tu pon dgn aku skali jd huru hara..aiii..n i thought her sanding was only a moment,but it took ages!aiya..dahla pengapit pengantin lelaki tak datang,seb baik adik dia pon bingai mcm aku gak..then photographing time again n the kenduri is over n i haf to sent g ah to her aunt’s house..when i went to her room,to let her know that i was abt to leave,i become speechless..act,i haf a lot in mind to tell her,but when i looked at her,every single words gone..

i am happy dear,happy that at last u found the the one 4 u,happy in hoping that insyaAllah he will not only look after you but make u happy to b wif him,happy that He will showers His blessings to both of u in anything becoz of ur marriage n i pray that both of u live peacefully,happily ever after..may he will ‘hold ur hand’ to the heaven..nothing in this world can compare my luv 2ward u dear,n i really wish u r happy..

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